I ask you:
What emotion are you going through right now? Irritation? Outright anger? Are you kicking yourself because you didn't speak up for yourself, or kicking yourself because you spoke up too much?
Either way, you may feel you are in a sorrowful shape. Whatever you're upset about now, walk through to the present and correct it. What you accomplish is tantamount to reliving anguish and reliving it again. You're good at reliving it, yet not good at all at getting rid of it once and for all.
You would give a lot not to be the fool you have been. Kicking yourself doesn't express the weight of the burden you carry. Beating yourself up doesn't say enough.
What is it exactly that you are trying to undo?
It has been said that whatever it may be you are upset at, it is really something else. Perhaps, if you knew what the cause of this anguish really is, you could throw it away once and for all. Well, not so much throw it away as to rise above its slings and arrows.
What is this guilt you carry that is unbearable to the point that you suffer for it again and again? It is not cut and dried. For some it is what you are guilty of letting slide, perhaps under the mask of not hurting someone's feelings yet masterfully hurting your own. And for some, it is putting your feelings before someone else's feeling, and then regretting this. Your theme may be: "With rue, my heart is laden."
One way or another, you rue and rue again, and what the whole basis for this really is, no one seems to know.
You are beginning to get a clue as to what all this ruing amounts to – and that is more ruing.
"You sat down by the waters of Babylon, and you wept…"
You would give a lot to release all this ruing that has made you its slave. You rue rue. If you knew how, you would give up rue.
It feels like a spell that you crave to wake up from. It seems like some kind of acne you can't get rid of, some kind of chronic torment you live with.
You are more powerful than you allow yourself to know. Instead of badmouthing yourself, do some good-mouthing yourself. It's like you have been under a spell by a bad witch, yet the bad witch who set the spell is no one but you. Of course, you can say that someone far back in your life caused it, and this is also true, yet it is you who has been continuing to play the message back. Turn off that recorder. Record something else in your mind. Say to yourself now:
"Whatever I have drummed into myself, I change it now. Now I am free from undue influence from the past. The past’s tenure is ending. I am a Being of God. As a Being of God, I am free to sing a new song. In fact, it is my responsibility to do so. I announce to myself that I am replacing this old troublesome recording with a new truthful recording.
"I ask You, God, to put Your words into my mouth so that I can think, speak, write, and live the Words You say. Put these thoughts in my heart so I am of a new Heart and Mind. No longer do I wish to go down the Road of Redemption. If I know You at all, God, I know that You have already redeemed me, or You state I never did need redemption. If somehow I did, You already redeemed me, and that is the end of that. Now I reclaim myself. The past has ended, and I am now in my Truth under You, God."
Dear Ones, according to Our Joint Will, the Holy You and the Wholly Perceived God Who I AM, you are now free of all the past that has held you back, and, now, here, I provide a good lunch for you to replace all negativity. Beginning now, any negativity stored within you cannot stay.
Consider yourself newly washed in the Waters of Babylon. This is a new day, and it is yours for the asking. Give it to yourself.