What you are to be, you already are. If an acorn is the seed of the oak tree, do you think you are less than an acorn? Do you really? What do you want to be? A sluggard? Or an asset? A hapless victim blown by the breeze? You can capably stand on your own two legs.
Unless you are the Conductor of the Orchestra of Your Life, I will tell you frankly that your vision is quite limited. I would say your vision is way too small. Wow, have you overlooked the Wholeness of the Truth of you? You refuse to look at it. You don't look at your Self. You overlook your Self as if you are not part of Creation and a Creator as well.
Who ever told you to be a fumbling half-mast creator?
You clutter your life. You assume that you are the clutter itself strewn around. A clear Stream of God runs through you. You cover up this stream with leaves and branches. Remove the clutter, and you see the Golden Light of Reality. When all is said and done, who is the Golden Light of Reality? Well, you are.
You collect many things that are not you, and you may keep adding to the pile that flattens your joy of life.
You are the air itself that you breathe. You are the Sun that warms you. You are the heights of the mountains you climb. You are the Vastness you see before you, only you give Vastness the scant name of Hope rather than its true names of Vastness and Love. You fear that you will disappear in Vastness. You may even prefer a toehold in ignorance. You do not quite dare tread where Wholeness is.
You think: "What if I wouldn’t make it? What if I made it and later, found inadequate, I was thrown out?"
You cannot bear the thought, so you will not even make your way to the waiting room. You may cast yourself out before you get anywhere near where Freedom lies.You are uncertain that Freedom is freeing.
Of course, this is all your choice. If you are in sufferance, you are the one who chooses sufferance. You may protest this that I say, yet you are the one who makes the choice. Of course, it's likely you can't choose to stay where you are presently forever.
In the blink of an eye, you can un-choose sufferance.
What is it that you are waiting for?
The ultimate Truth is that you will inevitably choose Freedom and Wholeness. Running away from Truth does not last forever. None of your meandering is true. Meandering is temporary. Anything that is temporary cannot be true. In the physical world, temporary can be factual. Factual is not Truth. Truth is Eternal. Truth is ever true, yet it is not made of time but rather of the Wholeness of Infinity. There is no beginning nor end to Infinity. Infinity cannot have stops. There are no interruptions to Infinity, or it would not be Infinity.
Only in the physical world is there a pause.
You are in for what in the world is called the long haul, yet the long haul doesn't have to be a haul at all. You can decide this. Unless you are the decider, you can only be the victim. Better to be a decider than a victim. Better to take responsibility.
Take responsibility for where you go now.
With responsibility comes ownership. The job is yours. Your life becomes your life and not something thrust upon you. The Captain of Your Ship reverences God. You are the Captain of Your Ship, and you take responsibility for your very life cast before you.