One moment you feel that you love too much, more than most. You are certain that you know how to love deeply, and, then, your heart is too often rubbed the wrong way, even assaulted and betrayed.
And then the next moment you despair of ever truly loving at all. You may feel you have never loved, and that you never will know how to love as other people seem to do, have happy marriages and savor every moment of life rather than be dismayed.
You don’t want to realize that you don’t know to love. You don’t like to realize that the moments you believe you love you are pulling the wool over your eyes.
Then sometimes you say to yourself:
“If this world I live in is a story-land anyway, what does any of it matter? What is the use of it anyway? Story with a happy ending, or muddled story, or deeply unhappy story, what does it matter? All a dream.”
Even as you ask your despairing questions and trivialize your life, you know that life is important. It is painfully important, for love is the Holy Grail you seek from the depth and height and breadth of your heart.
You don’t care if all of life is a fairytale. Why can’t you live a fairytale that dreams are made of? You must have it. You must have this at least once in your lifetime and at once.
You are fine with many others living this fine and wonderful dream, only you want it too. You are sorry for sad unhappy and bitter people who feel that life passed them by. You have great compassion for them, yet with all the power of God within you, you don’t want to be one of them even as you fear you are.
You are sure that life is meant to be more than disillusion and disappointment. Your life went by the wayside, and you, after all, aren’t all you wanted to be either.
Beloved Children, think a different way. Your life holds touches of Heaven. At least while you lived them, they were beautiful. Only later, life wrung the truth of the world out of you, and you were left with a bitter taste in your mouth. How much you wanted love to give and love to receive. You felt left, when all was said and done, with both hands empty.
Why did life hold up such dreams if life was going to leave you high and dry and tear up all your dreams as if none of them mattered anyway?
Letting go of the past and letting go of dreams are two different things. Let go of the past and keep your dreams right in front of you. Your life is not meant to be a blockbuster movie. In the simplicity of life, there is sweet reward.
Once upon a time, finding a shiny silver dime stirred your heart, and you were lucky. You were innocent then, and now you may have become cynical. Take back innocence, and give up cynicism.
The difference between you now and your youth is that in your youth, you anticipated Greatness. You were right. You were right to anticipate Greatness, yet you threw away anticipation and held on to disappointment. You predicted disappointment and met it with open arms, as if disappointment were a great friend of yours. “See,” you said.
Culture anticipation, beloveds. Favor it. You will anticipate, and you will receive. Little joys are good. Accept little joys and place them in your heart. Many little joys also are great. Know your good fortune. Even if you loved and lost, you loved. Besides, you don’t know what gifts tomorrow brings.