It is a very basic thing to live in the world. All you have to do is to (1.) break boundaries within yourself, and (2.) not demand too much from others in your personal life.
One of the boundaries you have to break through is resistance. As you resist, you react. And there is a tendency to react negatively to whatever it may be that you resist. You may build up your resistance until you become unkind. You dishevel your heart. You lose your cool. Anger takes its hold of you, and you no longer are a lady or a gentleman. You may become a harridan. In any case, you vent your hostility. You are unable to refrain from your intolerance, and you respond in an unbecoming way.
This is another way of saying to relax. Even to hear this advice is annoying to you. Know this: Relaxing is opposed to reacting. When you react to anything or everything that bothers you, you become a reactionary. This is not who you are. You are not a doppelganger.
There are some matters in this world that are important to you, in your own best interest, and in the best interest of another, that you will have to let go of. All the ways of others that drive you crazy. Kindred ways of yours also drive another crazy. When were you perfect, beloved, that you must demand it of others?
Make a truce with yourself. Let all annoyance go. Give it up. Annoyance is not your true nature. Hostility is not your true nature. And what are these annoyances that push your buttons? The way someone chews, the way someone leaves the lights on or always turns them off, the way one leaves things around or always picks them up. There is no end to this list of such items as these that press your buttons. It is you who sets the pressed buttons off. You, not someone else.
The reason you are so annoyed, annoyed to the extent that you will be rude, unkind, unthinking is because you are annoyed. You are annoyed to the point of becoming a villain. You react as if your life depends upon infractions of rules you did not know you had made! Would you go into a court of law and complain about these deeds? What do your complaints consist of? Your annoyance, beloveds. You are the culprit of your own annoyance, no matter how big your list is.
In fact, in a divorce court, many compete about who has more to be annoyed at, as if your having more makes you a winner.
Win at something else, beloveds. Win at forgoing annoyance. Why make such a big thing out of such miniscule things? Are they really so important to you? Are you really so impotent that you can only deal with pettiness?
It is always an idea of yours that you are reacting to. You may read something into it. You may react to your idea of what another means and not to even the world reality at all.
Further, the one who annoys you so much is more than likely to be just like you. He feels just as wronged and disrespected as you do. You may have a generous nature. You may have a huge heart. You may be a great number of wonderful things that get buried in a pile of pettiness. And the same it is for the apparent other that you hold in contempt.
Look, you do not have to behave the way you have been behaving. You do not have to keep the seeming other as the rationale for your own nagging or whatever. There is something within you. It always comes down to you. No one reacts for you. You do your own reacting. You are responsible for it.
When there is a bone of contention, see what happens when you let go. Unless you choose pettiness, why would you hold it close to you? I say to let it go.