There is a world of difference between understanding and judgment. Understanding doesn't mean admiring. It means understanding. With understanding comes a certain realization that the so-called other person before you is doing the best he can. Whether doctor, merchant, beggarman, thief, the person before you is doing the best he can at this moment. He really doesn't know better, even if you think he should. Here's the thing: There is a portion of your psyche that visits where that person is, and, so, you dislike where that person is. You dislike another's affront more than you would if you did not contain within you, no matter how residual, what the other person reflects to you.
If you were the person you are disdaining - you do understand that you are disdaining, don't you? - I would talk to you differently. I would not tell you to have compassion for yourself. I would tell you that you can be a knight in shining armor. I would tell you to let go of the past. I would tell you that you must let go of the past. The past is no more than a step, or a series of steps. The past is rocky and not to be held onto.
If you were the person you are judging or putting down, I would tell you to stop understanding, stop excusing, stop focusing on yourself, take a deep breath, and, right now, become a blessing to the world, and a blessing to yourself. Enough of unthinkingness. Now have wakingup-ness.
If you were the person you are judging or putting down, I would not encourage you, "But, God. But God, there was this. There was that. I do have my reasons. I have my good reasons." I would not encourage you no matter how many excuses you pull out of your pocket. I would tell you to stop making excuses and begin to serve. I would tell you to be less compassionate with yourself and more wise with the person who offended you. I know he hurt your heart, yet I would not coddle you either.
Actually, I would tell you, the critic, to be less compassionate with yourself. I do tell you. I tell you to be less self-righteous. I tell you to be not self-righteous at all.
Two self-righteous people bellowing at each other, even if not out loud, don't get anywhere until one of the riders of self-righteousness gets off his high horse. Since you are here reading these words, I am telling you straightforwardly that it must be you who has to get off his high horse.
You are here to make the world better, so make the world better. Let go of hard-heartedness. Be good to your own heart. Anger, resentment, self-righteousness speak in a deafening voice. Anger, resentment, self-righteousness are deaf, and that's why anger, resentment, righteousness speak in a deafening voice. That band of three refuse to hear. They are a sorry crew.
I ask My beautiful children, all My children, to join a band of angels who are sweet on Earth and give sweetness to the Earth. In your heart, apologize to the other who is guilty of being much less aware than you.
I have said that you are to be the first to greet another. In your heart, greet another in your heart. You do have something to apologize for. At the very least, you have a lack of openness to apologize for. Apologize to yourself for being less than Who You are, and now pick up a sword of kindness and go forth in the world and slay the dragons of condescension, accusation, and dismissals of another's heart and soul. Dismiss your closed perception. Climb to a higher rung on the ladder of life. Let go of the rung you presently adhere to. Let go.