Dancing with My Ego
Can understanding ego and its true lack of courage and strength really be so simple? Do I really hold the reigns to its power? Not so very long ago, it would never have occurred to me to ask these questions. Nor would I have held any thought of ego being separate from who I am. “We are joined at the hip, my ego and me! Hurt my ego, hurt me! What other egos think, expect, judge are the motivation for my actions, my choices, my emotional health in this world!” My credo for daily living. I want to click my tongue and shake my head!
I’m not sure when my belief system about ego started to shift. Certainly there were little tiny shifts, the one-step-up-and–two-steps-back kind of shifts where I didn’t even realize I was dancing with my ego, but ego always maintained its strong lead. Then some significant events in my life were accompanied by, well, let’s just say interesting occurrences. The “episode” that propelled all subsequent shifting began three days before my father passed away. He had Alzheimer’s disease and was in a care facility five hundred miles away. I was standing by the refrigerator, which is plastered with family photos, and was electrically drawn to a photo of him. I was vibrating as I got his message: I will always love you and I’m not going far. Later that day, my mother called to tell me that Dad was not doing so well.
Ego continued to lead my dance, but little blips began to “appear” on my radar screen. I began to hear and read small snippets about ego as the true enemy of self-esteem; as the misguided guide, as the fearful center of who we really are. Then, one day, the pace of shift suddenly gained momentum. Lights went on everywhere as I first stuck my toe in the water of this ego “theory”, then my feet, then my legs, then my torso. So that right at this moment, I’m up to my neck in getting the concept.
YES! It really is so simple! And YES! I actually do hold the reigns of ego’s power. Life, Earth School, is a dance between ego and your True Self; Spirit: Love. I can choose to lead or I can let my ego lead. When my ego is leading, the rhythm may be one step up and one hundred steps back. When the true me (the true Us) Love, is leading, there are no steps back. All steps move me, Us, forward. Ego is leading whenever we feel unworthy, small and insignificant. There is no insignificance when Love is calling out the steps or pounding out the rhythm. Whenever our fears grow to crowd out our confidence and strength, ego is pulling us in its wake.
I choose Love, to lead my dance. By Divine design, ego is my partner, but ego can only lead when I give it permission to do so. I intend to make it my silent partner, following along in my wake as I move forward into Light, Joy, Strength and Peace.