My spiritual journey has been a bumpy ride to say the least. I am a person who remembers my birth experience which was traumatic. I was born 6 weeks premature and I remember the struggle and the feeling of suffocation and wanting to stay in the safe womb. At age 4, I had strange experiences that I now know was astral projection. I would sleep on a certain couch and my spirit would rise out of my body and move a foot or so to the side and hover there. I could look down and see my body and I would think "how am I going to get back into my body!" To this day, I do not astral project because it was a thing that caused my anxiety as a child. A spiritual mentor of mine told me to look for the silver cord and I could reel myself back in...I haven't tried this as an adult. I grew up in a Baptist Church which was fundamentalist but my mother believed in Karma and reincarnation too. The pastor was a good family friend and accepted my mother regardless of this, which is very "different" if you are aware of how many fundamentalists view those who have Eastern leanings. My mother taught the adult Sunday school class.
I didn't learn a lot about God, dogma, etc there because I wasn't interested. I did learn a lot about Christian love though. REAL Christian love and acceptance. I was baptized by Pastor Sharp when I was about 13 years old.
As a teenager of about 15 during a dental appointment they put me on nitrous oxide and I had an out of body experience. I began spiraling through a tunnel. It was peaceful. I was not afraid. Then I heard the dr calling my name and telling me to wake up and I thought "I'm not sleeping. I can hear you, but I can answer until I fall back into my body." I began to fall rapidly back into my body and when my soul made contact w/ my body again, I jumped. I told the Dentist that I could hear him calling me but I couldn't answer until I was back in my body. He just looked at me strange. Since that time, I've never again accept nitrous oxide from a dentist. It's not that I didn't enjoy the experience but in my 20s I had a VERY negative experience, which I'll explain later, and I just shy away from traveling outside my body. : )
I married when I was 18 years old and in my early 20s I had a horrifying experience w/ a demonic presence that I saw physically. I don't want to go into detail here but it was terrifying. After that experience, I started searching for truth. I tried many denominations and religions including the Jehovah's Witnesses. I found some truth in most places that I looked but also found a lot of what I didn't feel was truth. I went from Jehovah's Witnesses, Baptist, Assemblies of God, Independent Charismatic fellowships, etc. I gained a little at each place but never felt fulfilled. I always was worried that I wasn't "saved." I worried maybe I didn't say the sinners prayer right or wasn't sincere enough, etc. I couldn't stay "good" enough and went through periods of church going and falling away many, many times.
About 6 years ago, my husband of 19 years announced that he wanted a divorce. I was beyond devastated. I was suicidal. I was hospitalized 4 different times because I didn't want to continue to live. I was terrified of being alone and went online to find another husband. Which, I did find one and boy did I luck out!!! I met my current husband online and we talked for a few weeks and he came to visit me. He was from Florida and I lived in Illinois. We decided that it was not a good idea for me to stay in Illinois because of my intense grief over the divorce and everything reminded me of my husband. I moved to Florida w/ my new boyfriend. He asked me to marry him the day my divorce was final. I explained that I still loved my exhusband and he said that he realized that but he loved me anyway and wanted to help me heal my pain. I did love this man even though I was still in horrible pain. I married him. He would hold me many many times while I cried over my ex. This went on for over a year and I felt abandoned by God.
In my darkest hour, I picked up a copy of Dr. Norman Vincent Peale's book, The Power Of Positive Thinking, and it changed my life. I then proceeded to read most of Dr. Peale's books, and started reading Louise Hay's book You Can Heal Your Life. At this point in time, Salvation issues weren't what was foremost in my mind. Literally just surviving another day was what I was concerned about. I started to slowly heal. I started reading more and more and healing more and more. I became PASSIONATE about learning and growing spiritually and one day helping others like myself out of their pain.
It's been 6 years and I've learned a lot and grown a lot. I'm no longer suffering over the divorce. I've let it go. I love my current husband. He saved my life.
Currently, I study metaphysics. I am interested in Quantum Physics. I meditate. I believe in Jesus Christ but am pretty devoid of dogma. I just can't buy into it. I feel stifled by it. I call myself a liberal Christian or Metaphysical Christian if asked to label myself. I will always love Jesus but to define dogma, I just can't stomach it. I feel there is truth in many religions. I lean toward a belief in exclusive universalism which means I believe that Jesus Christ sacrifice is necessary but that it covers all humanity not just people who say the sinners prayer right or are sincere enough. I don't worry about salvation anymore. I believe that God is love and that he loves me and that's all I need to know. I study all religions and find them interesting. I'm very interested in Near Death Experiences. I do tend to believe in reincarnation and karma. I think that my belief on hellfire is that when one dies and that person was devoid of connection w/ God in his life that the person may experience a void after death and there may be some who were evil in life in that void as well meaning it a hellish place to be. However, I believe that this is a temporary situation until the person learns to want the Light Of God. I believe our afterlife will be a continuation of what we have created in this life. I believe we were spirits before coming to earth and we chose our parents and circumstances to learn specific lessons here on earth.
Because I had an experience w/ an evil entitity over 20 years ago as mentioned above, I shy away from things like tarot, ouija boards, channelling, etc. I'm not saying that everyone must shy away from it but I'm exceptionally sensitive to it and I believe that there are lower astral plane entities out there and in the bible it talks about Satan transforming himself into an angel of light and I do not want to be deceived. I do not judge others that indulge in such things though because we all must find our own path. I sense "changes" in the environment of a spiritual nature and am sensitive to it. I know when I'm in a place where something bad has happened. I sense energy. I also sense energy from other people. I LOVE people but don't like to be around large groups for too long because it drains me. I'm an empath and I feel other people's pain and have insight into it. This comes very naturally to me w/o effort. So, if I go to the mall, I don't stay long. If I do, then I have to sleep when I get home for a long time to recoup my energy. I also sense love from people and goodness. I get impressions in my spirit about people. Not like psychic pictures but like a knowing of their point of pain. I can sense goodness and light and pain. When doing Quantum Touch on others I have to be very careful to remember to sweep and breathe or I'll quickly entrain and begin to feel their pain and will start crying w/ them. I have found that I have to limit the amount of negative personality types that I choose to have in my life. I do allow one or two because I feel that I can be of assistance but I've found that negativity drains me to a degree that is unlike what most would experience.
I study Quantum Touch and am interested in other energy healing modalities.
I'm still learning and growing. I like Godwriting because I stopped meditating because so much was coming through and I felt a need to write it down. I became worried that I was channelling and I don't want to do that. When I heard about Godwriting, the thought entered my mind- hey, we are supposed to talk to God and listen and that is not channelling. I'm not evoking anything nor am I going into any trance states... I bet I wasn't channelling and simply hearing from my higher self or God. This thought gave me great joy and I intend to get back to it.
I feel very connected to the spiritual realm and that makes me feel uncomfortable sometimes. I don't mind the connection to God, of course, but I really don't know how to describe what I'm trying to say but I'm "sensitive." My mother told me that I'm an old soul and I believe her. She also told me that in a previous life she and I were spiritual seekers together. I have a HUGE HUGE HUGE love of animals and feel a big connection w/ them. I have since childhood.
I'm very happy to be a part of this site and to help Gloria w/ her work.
I'm a work in progress.